im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
