sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So drunk its hurt
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
