Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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