I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
