I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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