My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
