he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Shame - the story of my life.
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