I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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