well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
