The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
