im so drunk with asians
where?
always
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
