P.S. I can't hear my feet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
