My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
