I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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