He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
