Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
