you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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