he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
