But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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