im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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