I want to have your abortion
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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