In the future we'll all be gay
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
