i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
