I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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