lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
