Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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