my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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