i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
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He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
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There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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