My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't deserve a penis
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
