I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
