chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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