if you like me you must not know who I am
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the day after is always just damage control
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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