my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
