Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
