So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
