Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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