I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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