I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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