remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
