you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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