you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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