On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
