i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
