i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
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there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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