guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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