Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
