Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
