I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
