I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
