I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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