oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
the raccoons are back...
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