my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
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