I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
