I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
True college students do jello shots in the library
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
