If that was your dad, he is hot
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
