By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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