How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
