Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
