Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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