hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
