The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
