OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
