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she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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