U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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