Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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